He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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