What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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