White coat. Heels.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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