I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
