your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
