he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
