I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
