He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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