Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
