We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
