i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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