I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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