I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
