Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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