i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
