im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
