This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
