one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
