she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
