I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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