I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
