dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
