so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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