so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize