She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
