The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
