Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
