Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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