Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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