I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
