We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
