ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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