omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
