Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
