I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
