I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
