The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
