Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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