my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
