Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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