I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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