Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize