My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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