My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
