Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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