East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
