Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
