I think i sorta joined a cult last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
