one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
