Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
