Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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