We're facebook friends in real life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize