Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
