And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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