2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
