you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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