and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
