so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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