i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
