He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
