You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
