I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
